On My Twenty-Fifth Anniversary of Priesthood

I was ordained a priest on November 16, 1986. Looking back over the twenty-five years of priesthood that Our Lord has given me, I have but one desire: to give them all back to Him. I give them back to Him to be purified and sanctified. I would hold each one of these twenty-five years under the torrent of Blood and of Water that flows from His Open Side. I would surrender each one of them to the purifying fire of the Holy Ghost. I would give each one of these twenty-five years to His Immaculate Mother, the Woman to whom my whole life belongs.

One’s anniversary of priesthood—so many years of Mass, anni di messa, the Italians rightly call it—is a bittersweet commemoration. Bitter, because of the sins that have marred the beauty of it all that could have been, and sweet, because the Mercy of God leaves no bitterness in Its wake. I detest and regret those sins of mine that have marred my priesthood and disfigured the adorable Face of Jesus in the sight of men. I pray for tears to weep over the wrong that I have done, and over the good that I have left undone.

This twenty-fifth anniversary of my priesthood is, in some way, like a preview of the particular judgment that awaits me at the hour of my death, whenever, wherever, and however it comes. It is a searchlight leaving no corner in darkness, no sin disguised as something that it is not. Made bold by Saint Benedict’s injunction, “Never to despair of the mercy of God,” I beg Jesus to repair whatever harm I may have done to souls. I implore Him for those whom I have alienated from the light of His Face and the embrace of His Spouse, the Church. I beseech Him to comfort those whom I have afflicted, to sanctify those who looked to me for holiness and found a stumbling block instead. I ask Him to give joy to those whom I have saddened.

I kiss His wounded feet, I weep over them, lay hold of them and will not let them go until nothing remains of the evil I have done, until all that I so regret is swept away, utterly dissolved, in the tide of His Blood. What is my prayer after twenty-five years of Mass? It is this:

Convert Thou me entirely, O my beloved Jesus, that I may live every moment—up to and including the very moment of my death— with my eyes fixed on Thine adorable Face, and with my heart hidden in Thy piercèd Heart. Thou hast called me to be the priest-adorer of Thy Eucharistic Face; make me, I pray Thee, what Thou hast called me to be. Let me so love Thee and adore Thee that I may be for Thine afflicted Heart the consoling friend for whom Thou hast waited so long. Leave me not alone, never forsake me, so that I may never leave Thee alone, and never forsake Thee. Fix my vagrant heart before Thy tabernacle—before the one where Thou art least adored and most forgotten—that I may persevere in a watch of adoration, of reparation, and of love before Thy Eucharistic Face.

What can I give Thee that Thou hast not given me? Give Thou, then, to me superabundantly so that I may give back to Thee superabundantly. Give Thou me, I beseech Thee, but a spark of Thine own blazing zeal for the glory of the Father; let it consume me entirely as a holocaust to the praise of His glory. Give Thou me, I beseech Thee, a share in Thy spousal love for the Church, Thy Bride in heaven and on earth. Like Thee, with Thee, in Thee, let me lay down my life for her. Give Thou me, I beseech Thee, Thine own Heart’s filial love for Thine Immaculate Mother, that I may love her as Thou wouldst have me love her; that I might serve her with a devotion that is true, and pure, and constant.

Give Thou me, I beseech Thee, the tender compassion with which Thou wouldst have me care for souls, that in my care for them they may experience the solicitude of Thy Sacred Heart. Twenty-five years ago, by the laying-on of hands, Thou didst make me Thy priest forever. Renew in my soul, I humbly entreat Thee the grace of that Holy Sacrament and of that blessed day. Make me, if possible, more Thy priest today than I have ever been before. Ratify and confirm me in the ineffable grace of real participation in the Mystery of the Cross where Thou art Priest and Victim. Burn more deeply into my soul the indelible character of Thy priesthood, and, in that same fire, consume and destroy all that dims, obstructs, or impedes its glorious radiance, so that the light of Thy sacrifice may shine before men, and its healing power go forth from me as it went forth from Thee, for Thou, O merciful Saviour, hast made me Thy priest forever.

A thousand thousand lifetimes would be too little time to thank Thee, to bless Thee, to praise Thee for so immeasurable a gift. Give me then, when Thou callest me to Thyself, an eternity in which to praise Thee beyond the veil where, for the moment,Thou art hidden in the glory of the Father and in the brightness of the Holy Ghost. Amen.